At some point in my life, I realised that I wasn’t paying as much attention to my goals and motivations as I would have wanted. So, if I wasn’t focused on my own journey, what was that which was distracting me? It was a very subtle habit that took me some time to discover. Once discovered, it is very hard to ignore as it becomes more obvious every time it surfaces. I, instead of focusing on my own voyage, was distracted by someone else’s. That’s right, I was looking at other people and comparing my life to theirs. To say that this habit breeds misery would be an understatement. This is, as far as I know, one of the very worst forms of self-sabotage. It breeds nasty emotions and stifles personal growth.
When a counterpart is doing better than myself in any facet of life, I would be envious and want that success for myself. I would then deny these feelings and tell myself that I was not that kind of a person. This in itself is another major error as denying these emotions and bottling them down instead of confronting them and knowing what lies deep within only serves to strengthen them. It has the total opposite effect as one would expect. Because of the constant comparisons, envy had been bred within. It wasn’t until much later after doing some self-introspection that I finally realised what had been happening and I, therefore, set out to rectify this unruly habit.
HOW I CONTINUE BATTLING THIS HABIT BY FOCUSING ON MY OWN JOURNEY.
Picture this; you work at a successful firm. After many months of hard work, you finally get around to asking your boss for a two-month vacation leave as you feel yourself getting burned out and could do with a break. at around the same time, an important series of meetings for the company is about to commence in Qatar which will last a week. The leave is granted to you nonetheless, and you’re very happy that your boss is very understanding. With vacation mode in full swing, you’ve picked Bali to be your ideal vacation destination. At your workplace, a colleague is selected to accompany the C.E.O to Qatar for the meetings. Coincidentally, your flights are departing on the same day, albeit at different times, with your flight departing at 12 PM and that of your colleague at 10 AM, you know this because you checked the company itinerary before you went on leave.
On the day of departure, as you are driving at 30 km/h on your way to the airport at around 8:30 in the morning, you see your colleague’s vehicle in your rearview mirror approaching fast. He is doing 60 km/h and he overtakes you in no time at all.
Questions:
Would assuming that your colleague is showing off that his vehicle is much more powerful than your own be a reasonable response to the situation?
would getting mad that your colleague overtook you on your way to the airport be a reasonable response to the situation?
Would it be reasonable for you to increase your speed in an attempt to catch up to him and overtake him despite knowing his flight leaves several hours ahead of yours?
would thinking that the airport will somehow disappear or stop functioning if your colleague got there first be a reasonable thing to think?
These are self-introspection personal questions on the scenario because you see, when one compares oneself with another, one usually exhibits these kinds of irrational reactions ( and spoiler alert, it never ends well).
What has to be understood is that you and your colleague are on totally different journeys that coincidentally just happened to have the same milestone (the airport) at one point during your respective journeys. Your destinations and your timings are way too different for you to be concerned with the speed at which your colleague is moving. For perspective; you are going to Bali for a two-month vacation, and your colleague is going to Qatar for a week-long series of meetings for the company. Your flight starts off at 12 PM, and your colleague’s flight is at 10 AM.
DIFFERENT DESTINATIONS, DIFFERENT TIMINGS. Everything is different and personalised, down to the kinds of clothes you packed. The only thing you have in common with your colleague is the milestone that is the airport. It is worth noting that even if your colleague arrives at the airport first, It will neither disappear nor stop functioning because he got there first. He will not carry the airport with him. It is a structure that will just aid him ( as it will you) to get to his destination and will afterwards remain in place waiting for other people to make use of its services. Just because your colleague arrives at the airport first does not mean all hope is lost for you, you will never arrive thence.
Life is not a zero-sum game where for one to win, another has to lose. There’s more than enough success to go around for anyone willing to work for it.
The analogy is clear to understand. Life is this amazing individual journey with each one having a very distinct destination from the other. Your end goal is different from anyone you know, even those you don’t know; you might be an identical twin but you’ll never have the same destination in mind as your twin.
You might have your path coincide with someone else’s at some point, if you see them moving at a higher pace than your own, that is because you both have different timings and end goals; you are simply on the same path because there is probably a milestone along that path that the other person has to achieve in order for him to arrive at his destination. This does not mean that if the person achieves a milestone similar to your own then you will never be able to achieve it, no! It will always be there, all you have to do is consistently work towards it at your own pace and eventually, you too will achieve the milestone and carry on towards your destination.
This same reasoning can be applied when one compares oneself with another who is slower on the same path as oneself. Just because one is ahead does not mean one is better or superior to those behind oneself. Different journeys, different destinations, different speeds at which individuals proceed, and different timings, each unique to one’s individual goal. That is what life is all about. Learn that comparing oneself to another is simply a shortcut to misery and depressive tendencies, no good can ever come out of it. compete only with yourself by striving to be a better person than you were yesterday!
Thank you for your time once again, it is my utmost pleasure to share pieces of myself with you through these writings. please like share and subscribe to the newsletter as that would mean so much to me and motivate me to continue sharing every week. Have a productive and all the best on your personal journey!!!!!!!!!!!!!